Time for a little diversion.  Tis the season, right?  So pour some nog.  Turn on your tinkle-y cubicle lights.  Take a break from your Facebook break.  And let’s see how many great one-liners you can place from some of these holiday cinema speactulars.

[Remember: Santa knows what you Google.]

  1. “So if you believe in Father Christmas like your uncle Billy does, buy my festering turd of a record.”
  2. “This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.”
  3. “You smell like beef and cheese you don’t smell like Santa.”
  4. [singing:] “Oh Christmas Tree, oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree…”
  5. “Only one thing in the world could’ve dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.”
  6. “Merry Christmas, movie house! Merry Christmas, Emporium! Merry Christmas, you wonderful old Building and Loan!”
  7. “You can’t show that commercial, that thing looked like the Manson Family Christmas Special.”
  8. “I want a stuffed elephant, a pink one [from santa] well wish in one hand and shit in the other and tell me which one fills up first.”
  9. “Are you a professional ukulele player? No, I’m a writer. What do you write? T-Shirts.”
  10. “I took a shower washing every body part with actual soap; including all my major crevices; including inbetween my toes and in my belly button, which I never did before but sort of enjoyed.”
  11. “Don’t be a cheerleader for santa claus, think about it, watch the angles, don’t drink the kool aid.”


Need some help?  Here are the matches.


And here are the answers:

1. Love Actually

2.  National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

3. Elf

4. Ernest Saves Christmas

5. A Christmas Story

6. It’s A Wonderful Life

7. Scrooged

8. Bad Santa

9. Mixed Nuts

10. Home Alone

11. Fred Claus


So what are your favorites?


Leave A Response